[wtH!] Deformers

I cringed, I balked, and I threw my arms up in disgust many times. But I had to watch it and get it over with.

Michael Bay's interpretation of Transformers had me roving mad throughout the movie. Bloody idiot, total tosser.
- Crap-Idea-Morph: Bumblebee does a Lion-O by shooting the Autobot symbol into the sky; and then Optimus and some Autobots come down from the sky. WTH?
- Crap-Idea-Morph: With the disproportionate emphasis on some elite group of American soldiers, it may have well been a GI Joe Movie with some Transformers in it.
- Crap-Idea-Morph: It boils down to a fight for something called the "cube". Some jackass writer probably tried to create a whiff of mysticism by combing past concepts of "The Matrix" (ORIGINAL MOVIE), "The Key" (from espisode The Key To Vector Sigma - cartoon series), The Cube (pathetic attempt to make G1 cartoon reruns interesting), and Sparks (Beast Wars).
- Crap Plot: They try an insider joke where the original Bumblebee model is placed next to the revisionist Bumblebee. Oh yeah I am so amused you are aware that there is a history.
- Crap Plot: The whole show is full of unnecessary actors. How does an Ozzie analyst come into the pic? The black brainy dude was there just for the doughnut jokes and some PC quota; and the Sec of Defense fights aliens himself?
- Crap Plot: Megatron is a frozen popsicle, he thaws and battles for a few mins; and then goes poof upon being overloaded with energy.
- Crap Plot: Jazz tries to act cool, and minutes later he is torn apart and dies.
- So Wrong: Starcream didn't assert his natural self-presumed leadership of the Decepticons during Megatron's absence?
- So Wrong: Bumblebee cannot talk, apparently it is because his mechanical larynx is spoilt (but it get miraculously fixed after a nasty battle). This is therefore the perfect excuse for Michael Bay to make him talk like Wreck-Gar. Nice touch there man, excellent twist spot on!! No, no, I mean it. I bloody well meant it.
- So Wrong: How could Soundwave - one of the coolest and more intelligent Decepticons ever, be reduced to some mechanical gremlin that stalks around and speak like Crazy Frog?!
- So Wrong: Optimus uses an energy axe, not some sword!
- So Wrong: No Grimlock?! It's just as well the designs sucked. At least Grimlock's character was saved. But everyone can smell a sequel.
- So Wrong: The robots' designs were .... yucks.
- Crap Plagurism: One of the best one-liners ever from the ORIGINAL movie is taken and unashamedly used ... "One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall".
- Crap Plagurism: Guy tells girl .. there's more to you .... than meets the eye.

And to add insult to injury, later in the evening, there was this "The Making Of ..." clip on TV where the idiot is talking about his vision for the movie and oh-so proud of it; and then Steven Speilberg pops up saying how absolutely suitable Michael Bay was for the movie. Of all people .... Steven Speilberg!! Did you actually watch the move Mr. "Exec Producer"??!!

There must be more. But I am sure the brain filtered the rest out so I could stay sane (at least - what remains). And now, I need to get G1's DVDs to cleanse myself of this sacrilege.